We know as adults that life can be so difficult. Rather than shielding kids from this fact, why not give them the tools to succeed when things inevitably do get hard?
According to the American Psychological Association:
Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.
https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
I have heard resilience defined many ways. Some call it mental toughness or grit; others call it a growth mindset. It has more to do with how we react to adversity rather than what has happened to us in our lies. Difficult circumstances piled on a weak mental health foundation and little support just crush a person. They don’t make them stronger or better able to cope. The good news is, we can work on building a better foundation anytime. In our kids Jiu Jitsu classes, we are starting them early.
I have written before about protective factors when it comes to mental health. Internal protective factors include qualities like high self-esteem, belief in moral order, and the ability to self-regulate. There are also external protective factors such as family structure, community involvement, and good social skills. These factors lead to higher resilience and in turn better mental health. People who perceive that they have an internal locus of control, that they are responsible for the direction of their life, tend to possess more of these qualities.
In researching this topic, I came across the writing and ideas of Dr. Kenneth R Ginsburg. He is a pediatrician specializing in adolescent medicine at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. He lists the qualities of resilience in kids as seven Cs.
- Competence
- Confidence
- Connection
- Character
- Contribution
- Coping
- Control
I do think that we work on these each time we step on the mat. In the kids classes these aspects are intentionally woven into the fabric of the class.
1. Competence
2. Confidence
The kids can gain competence and confidence through practicing technique in a drilling environment. Whenever we teach a new move, the kids practice it with very little resistance at first and then build to a more difficult test. They fail on a small scale in a safe environment. They learn to change what they are doing until success is met. Sparring with a fully resisting opponent is not allowed until three to four months into the program. At this point, the students have an idea of what to do. They have some competence and must learn to do the move at the right time and place. Little by little they increase confidence and self-reliance.
3. Connection
While in some ways Jiu Jitsu is an individual sport. Our students know that they are an important part of a team. They celebrate each other’s successes and console each other in their more difficult moments. They succeed and fail as a group at tournaments and during in mock competitions and games. They have certain partners close to their size that rely on them to show up to practice and help them learn each day. They are developing social skills and learning to make friends on and off the mat.
4. Character
Our Growing Gorillas curriculum builds character through our life skills homework. The kids read a different story each month and have the month to get thirty checkmarks on their homework chart. The chart contains habits and tasks related to the life skill of the month. We are showing them that their behavior and choices matter on and off the mat.
Some of the life skills include integrity, initiative, gratitude, and adaptability. We have a conversation about this word each day during class and check in on their progress. We also reinforce these words during teachable moments in class. Learning Jiu Jitsu is highly cooperative. Students work one on one in grappling situations in very close quarters. They must learn to think about their partner as well as themselves in the scenario. It takes a long time for children to develop empathy and to be able to cooperate with others. They don’t really have the brain capacity to do this until their teen years. Children younger than five are hard wired to be concerned about their own ecosystem and well-being. We can start reinforcing empathy and cooperation earlier.
5. Contribution
Children, like adults, want to feel valued by the group. We encourage them to become leaders within their team through peer coaching opportunities. Advanced students are given the chance to work with newer kids as a privilege to help teach. Small scale chances for responsibility such as being a line leader, demonstrating a move for the class, or going to get materials outside of the classroom build to larger opportunities later, such as being an assistant coach for younger kids. In our leadership team classes the kids learn to teach, coach, and volunteer to help others. They begin to understand that they can be an important part of a larger movement.
6. Coping
It is important that children are gently coached through the process of learning the difference between a real crisis and an event that just feels bad at the time. This is also true of physical injuries and losing during games. Their initial reaction will be emotional and big. It is important as coaches that we validate their discomfort verbally, then help them to decide if something is wrong of if it was a momentary pain. They can learn to self-assess injuries and work through the frustration and anger. We can teach them to deepen their breathing, feel those big emotions, and reframe the event in a better light so that they can move on. If they can learn to deal with another student pinning them down for an entire match or maybe even submitting them, the rest of life just seems easier by comparison. They understand that losing is an important part of the improvement process, even though it doesn’t always feel good.
7. Control
This aspect of resilience can be broken into emotional control as well as self-discipline. We do help the kids cope with big emotions, as I mentioned above. People who can process their feelings and still act in a logical manner have a huge advantage over those who behave impulsively. We help them to begin to think about longer term consequences and rewards. Again, this is something that developmentally it is difficult to truly process until teen years.
In terms of self-discipline, we can encourage students to take initiative over their own well-being by building good habits at home and in the gym. This is especially true for my teen students. I ask them to examine their social groups and daily habits in comparison with their long-term goals. They work in small groups each month to stay accountable. In the younger age groups, we try to offer choices rather than just give commands. Independence is valued at all ages. It is important to reward good choices with more responsibility and recognition.
I taught science for a while in both an outdoor setting and in a classroom. I did not feel that either the content or I had much effect on the students I encountered. There were some behavioral changes that I witnessed in outdoor education programs. In contrast, I have seen some huge transformations over the years on the Jiu Jitsu mat. I understand that part of it is being able to see the kids grow over years. However, particularly for very shy and tentative kids I have watched their confidence, assertiveness, and resilience grow over a matter of months just training twice a week at our gym. Sports, particularly Jiu Jitsu, can be a great gift for kids to be able to deal with anything life throws at them ahead.
Rolling Under The Big Sky 